Thursday, May 10, 2007

Getting over it

EJSS made it easy for me. I'd been wondering how to do this. I'll just answer and it won't hurt much!

It's almost May . . . Liliana will be back! "Hi!" says I.

And,
How was your (oldest) son's wedding? Beautiful.

What did you wear? A cotton khaki skirt, a heather green sweater set, black pumps. No jewelry.

How did you do your hair? A sock bun. It turned out really well.

May we please see pictures? No. None were taken.

Did you have fun? No.

Does your son seem happy? Very.

May God bless and keep their marriage always. Yes.

I don't adapt well to group activities. I get a stomach aches, or a headaches, or the diarrhea. I always get sleeplessness every time...even when I have a good time. I shake like a stupid Chihuahua. For April, I had all of symptoms for the entire month, and on top of it got sick with flu-like symptoms. Finally, to add insult to injury, I came down with an ugly cough. It's all in my head and I'm fully aware that it is, and yet it still dogs me. I've been through it enough that by now I can feel my way through, but I'm afraid every time at some point. Of what, I don't know. It is not logical. Last year I told my son I didn't want to go to the wedding, but he made it clear he wanted me, us, there, so we went. He is my heart and he knows me, and I like that he's up front about things. So I dove deep into my Bible and fortified myself. And I got through it, with prayers from my grrrrlfriends in Christ, but I did not do it with any amount of grace. I did it, essentially, with no grace. Zip for the grace. Still, it's better than medication all of which all has its own side effects.

It was beautiful, yes, but for my husband and me, too much pomp and circumstance.

But the bride may, possibly, be a bit, hmmm, bent out of shape with me, or us, or the family. No one on our side gave her a congratulatory hug after the wedding. I think she may be hurt about that. Could be? Well, I wanted to but there were too many people. If there was a line we surely would have gotten in line, but all her family was tight around her in a circle and there's no one in my family going to jockey for position, shoulder to shoulder, for anything. So it didn't happen. No one mentioned photos to us. My husband and I left. My sister and her family left. A couple others on our side left. My dad and his wife stayed the longest. They stood out front and I know they wanted to be in pictures, but the bride and groom were nowhere to be seen. Turns out they went to the side of the church where they thought the wedding planner was going to be, but she wasn't. It was about 15 minutes from the sound of it. In that time, my dad and his wife, that would be the groom's grandparents, left also. My dad was real disappointed about not being in pictures and I feel real badly about that. Our son does too. I think the bride does too. The bride did all the planning by herself and she was stretched pretty thin with all the excitement and I think the end of the wedding went the way it did simply due to miscommunication and lack of communication.

My husband and I did not dress formally and the bride wanted us to dress in tuxedo and formal floor length dress. My husband said no from the git-go. I don't even have a place here to hang a regular length dress. I thought we'd be just sitting in the front pews, but the week before the big day I learned the bride wanted us to participate in the ceremony. Not something we wanted, but we did it because she asked. I did not want to do it, but it was actually quite moving. She had we mothers light candles and then she had both sets of parents place hands on their child and give their approval to the union. And also, none of our family attended the reception. Because. It was held in Tijuana. The bride was so sad that that we did not go. We did all get gifts for them. She did wear my pearl necklace that my husband bought me in Japan as something borrowed. I was happy that she wanted to wear it. She looked really happy and really, really, really lovely, and our son looked so handsome. I will remember their faces always.

So, ahem, the bride hasn't emailed me since before the wedding.

That's my story and I'm stickin' to it. Can't really pour any sugar on it, can I. I wanted to be a really good mom-in-law, but I'm not. I pretty well flunk. It is not my intent to disappoint the bride. She's a doll, but she's sociable and outgoing and I am the opposite. My sons are sociable and fun to be around, both of them. So I did something right somewhere? That's the overriding, most important thing.