Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Refiner's fire

For a few days I felt low. You know, about how mean my dad is at times. Sometimes things like that tend to color your whole world. My husband, for over a year wouldn't speak to my dad. I understand, but it doesn't make it easier. Family situations and all, right?

Somehow it all works itself through. I emailed my father and told him he shouldn't email words like that to me. I told him it's like a penny falling from pretty high up. It's just a penny, but it can injure a person, yes? I'm afraid it may as well be a flock of seagulls though. It goes right over my dad's head. I don't know how an over tender Liliana ever came from those genes.

But my online girlfriends help me a lot. I started singing this song today, "Refiner's Fire" and my heart was suddenly joyful. Gone was the bad feeling. I handled the situation, straightforward, to the best of my ability. At first I tried to ignore it, but you can't really ignore things like that. I would never advise our son, for example, to do nothing if someone treated him this way, so I ought to act on my own advice.

I was singing Refiner's Fire while I put the groceries away (which is a bit of a fluff song because my repertoire is limited!) and our son asked, "What is holy?" It's to be set apart, from the world, I told him. To be like Christ.

And I do feel set apart. I feel I've been a good example - to my father, and to my child. I handled it myself without crying to my husband. And I'm not really burned like I thought I was at first. It's the opposite. I'm stronger.

My dad didn't write me back, but I am transformed. I've stepped out of a trial. I am whole.


Christina said...

I'm so glad you have some peace now. It can be really stressful dealing with all the issues of family. My dad says crazy things in front of my racial slurs and such. When I remind him of holding his tongue, he looks at me like I'm nuts. Sometimes I wonder how much of his reaction is feeling pricked in his conscience by my reminders. That's how I prefer to look at it anyway!!:)

Yucchi said...

I love that song! I don't think its a fluff song if it God uses it to speak to you :). Its awesome how He can put just the song that will lift us in mind!

Kara said...

Good for you to stand up for yourself and let your dad know how you feel. Great analogy, too! Now he knows and he cannot say you didn't tell him. Way to go! :)

Liliana said...

Christina - Well I guess I'm not alone am I (regarding dads!). And I know about the language stuff. It's surprising how often I have to ask my own family to watch their language. It causes me realize how much I've changed over the years.

Yucchi - Hi! It really is a great song. I'm picking up a bit about the history of spirituals which preceded gospel music, then also about hymns and contemporary music. They are all good.

Kara - I feel like Rocky at the top of the stairs. lol!