Friday, January 06, 2006

Perimenopause and the hair on my back

Nobody told me that when I got into perimenopause that I would get hair on my back. I don't want hair on my back! Especially short, black, pokey hairs like Jeff Goldblum got in the movie The Fly. I had two years of electrolysis to depilate hair everywhere, but who ever thought it would come out on my back!

I found it last night and it felt just like the kind that popped out on Jeff when he got stuck in the machine and he didn't know a fruit fly was in there with him. I nearly had a heart attack. This was worse than my rare but recurring nightmare that I have zits covering my entire face. I wake, I feel my face, it's bumpy all over, but I know I'm not really awake. It's a tactile dream, and I force myself in my subconscious brain to know that it's just a dream. All the same, I wake in the morning and immediately feel my face and fly to the mirror to check for the zits.

Like I said, can I say it enough, I don't want hair on my back! I don't care if I am 46. I'm not dead yet. I have a lot of years left in me. First thing I thought is, I can't have my husband find this thing. It's good that I found it first, but how disgusting. He might not want to be with me again if you know what I mean, if he finds out about this.

So I got the tweezers and tried to pluck it out. Have you tried to tweeze anything on your back? It can't be done. But I am driven, I try and try, but I cannot nab that thing. I get a bright idea. I will have to ask our son to look at it and get rid of it tomorrow. I'm hoping he won't tell my husband about it.

Next morning, as soon as my husband left to do camp host work like clean the BBQ pits, I ask our boy, who has the sharpest eyes ever, to look at this hair and please take it out. He's so sweet and doesn't judge me at all. I'm thinking King Kong and he's just thinking, Mamma.

He took it out and says there, see the sliver Mamma, I got it. What? Sliver? Why the sweet 'lil punkin' I think to myself. If he's none the wiser, I'm not telling him it's a disgusting outgrowth. I get my glasses and study it real close. It didn't have a follicle and it was awful light colored and I didn't feel it get yanked out really.

Yesterday I had been standing with my back to a juniper tree (for my pictures ya know) and the juniper tree's trunk is very barky and shredded. I remembered there were juniper shreds all over my sweater when I took it off.

So, it was a sliver I had after all, and not a hair. I have a new lease on life!

And my little boy never said a word to my husband.

No comments: