Summer break

Gave our son the next two weeks off from homeschooling. He got a job too. Today he earned twenty bucks. He's working tomorrow too. He's a server and a dishwasher and a plate preparer. Today was not very busy for him though. I think Saturday will be far busier. School starts here in New Mexico on August 16 so families will all have a last fling for the summer and will spend money on burgers and such. They wanted him to work Friday, Saturday and Sunday, but I said no to Sunday because he needs to attend church. He complained bitterly and I said, well, how do you think you got this job? God brought you to it so don't you be complaining. God gave you a good brain and strong arms and legs. God provides us with opportunity. Don't you complain. We go to church once a week to get refreshed in order to face the next six days. Don't you complain! My husband supported me too! Three days of work is too much for a 13 year old anyway. I wager he'll thank me for insisting that two days is enough.

Some people say how can they get to church on Sunday when they have so much to do. Or they're so tired. I say how can I not go to church when I have things to do or when I'm tired. Even when I have the blahs I go on Sunday. If I have something major coming up I need time in God's house before I go on. Nine times out of ten I feel better, refreshed, invigorated, stronger afterward. But I have the unction of the Holy Spirit. It pushes me. I read about unction in one of John's epistles. Epistle is a fancy word for a letter. When he was old, John, one of the apostles of Jesus, wrote three letters to Christians everywhere round about 90 A.D. He wrote the three letters called First John, Second John, and Third John, plus he wrote the Gospel of John. Plus what else? He wrote the book of Revelation. That's why he's also known as John the Revelator.

Unction is a compelling force within you from the Holy Spirit and is mentioned in 1John 2:20. I'm sure I must have unction. I can't stop myself and people get tired of me. I wish I had a little Bible group to go to.

Washed my hair and it's nice and soft. I brushed Bella and Nike a little, but not enough. I think we're going to Cruces tomorrow. I can't think of anything I need. There are so many stores there. I should want something but I can't think of anything.

I went through my Zumba playlist and danced the songs I know. I've had several people ask me when classes will start and I have to tell them I'm not ready. I'm trying not to get a complex about it. I love that people are excited and asking but I think people do not realize how much memorization it requires. I have nine more routines to memorize. After my workshop on the 17th I decided to try to learn them simultaneously but I don't think it's working. I'm going to go back to learning one at a time; the method that is tried and true for me. In the past two weeks I've really only learned one routine thoroughly all the way through. The others I know bits of and what use is a bit. I could dance them over and over and if I don't learn the entire thing, a bit is not going to help. Not one bit. Meh.

What was Jesus' last commandment? The Great Commission. Which prophet is the only prophet who knew God face to face. Moses. I read the Song of Moses in Exodus all morning this morning.

Newspaper poem

A long time ago I found this poem in the newspaper. I was the ripe old age of 21 or so - tired and worn from living life too fast and all wrong. I carried it in my wallet for years - wrinkled and frayed. It still resonates with me. It's such a sad poem though. It came to my mind tonight. I love my husband so much. I need him. Like air.

Today he was angry because the washer keeps leaking after he fixes it. And he's sore from working on the sites. The big monsoon rains have washed sand over all the sites and roads. Four inches covering the cement! He dislikes the hot weather. The propane wasn't firing up for some reason and he had to change them out at 6:00am to get hot water. We almost lost a long thank you note our son wrote then we found it and accused each other of misplacing it! I'm sure he did it. I should just say I did it because he's the one who will mail them. He always goes to the post office and I don't. He's so punctual and always does the right thing. I don't know how we ended up together. I'm so opposite of him.

He took a shower and chilled out a bit. He's fast asleep now. He falls asleep in two and a half minutes. How does he do that? I lie there for hours and he snores like bear. He tells me it's his clear conscience that makes him sleep so well. Me, my conscience is going full speed ahead 24 hours a day. When I was a kid even if I wasn't guilty I looked guilty. I suffer so! Ruminations. They serve no useful purpose. My iPod pushes them away though. Works pretty good. I listen to my music - lately my Zumba routines. But then when I really want to sleep I change to a sermon my pastor gave a few years ago. I've listened to the same one so many times I can probably give parts of that sermon myself.


After A While
©1971 Veronica A. Shoffstall

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman,
not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.

After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...

Lost

Last night I dreamt I was lost in Nebraska.  It was a long bad dream.  I woke up at 10:30am.  That's late even for me.  I just couldn't get out of Nebraska.  Couldn't get to a phone.  Didn't have change and even if I did I didn't know what number to call.  (Cell phones don't exist in my dreamworld.)  Didn't know my address.  Didn't have a car.  Kept looking in my purse to no avail.  I do need a new purse.  It's a very boho purse but I've worn the strap out.  In my dream my purse was my purse.  I guess I like my purse so it exists unchanged in my dream.  Hate cell phones so they are evicted from my dreams.

Found a studio

I met with a studio owner last night and we talked about Zumba.  She's very enthusiastic and she and her husband want to take the class too.  She's a nurse and a yoga teacher.  Very earthy - just a perfect specimen of people in this community.

So.  Best news of the day, I can afford it.  I was so happy!  I can use her space for $10 bucks an hour.  I can swing that.  She showed me the sound system.  Zumba instructor class stressed that a good sound system is imperative.  Well, it has fantastic sound, excellent booming bass, and gets plenty loud.

My latest plan is to do no routines in the first two demo class.  Instead I'll make them strictly how to do the steps of merengue, salsa, cumbia and reggaeton dances so students will have an actual vocabulary to build on.  This will do away with the mystery of the unknown for some people.  Hopefully it will make it more inviting to more people because being such a small town I need as many people as possible to feel comfortable enough to try a class.  Let's see.  I'll set up one free class during the week and one free class on a Saturday.  Yes, that's what I'll do.

I get to practice in the studio today!  It's a small one but it has mirrors.

The girls saw the farrier this morning.  They both did very well and stood quietly for the most part.  I didn't get to be there to watch, but son and husband said they like this farrier very much.  He didn't even charge us for Bella's feet because she didn't need much done.  Guess he had a good sense of humor.  Farrier work is extremely physical, back breaking work, and can be dangerous as well.  Farriers can get kicked and bitten and I saw a really bad bite on a man's back on a web site once. He talked to the horses a lot and to our son.  He told our son that if he learns how to do the work and wants to be an apprentice and do it as a job he'll see about getting him into a good mental hospital.  Haha! 

WSJ link

A link.  I usually end up deleting them later because they tend to disappear.  This one brought tears to my eyes.  Trust not the media, right or left.  Question.  Look deeper.  Seek details.  Don't just swallow it hook, line, and sinker.  I did, and so did a lot of other people.   

"Shirley Sherrod's speech, and her story, has lessons for us all."
"The Power of Redemption" written by Peggy Noonan.

I'm going to give it as a reading assignment to our son.

The girls

Got up early to go feed the girls.  We're calling Nike and Bella "The Girls" now.  I like saying it.  Winston the Hampshire pig is very happy in his new digs.  My husband says he thinks he saw Winston do a little hippity hop happy dance when he drove up yesterday.

We fed our neighbor's dogs and cats breakfast this morning too.  Son gets paid for it and he loves their dog, Patches.

I was petting Nike on the forehead this morn while she nibbled hay.  Actually, I petted her on the forehead while she was snarfing down hay as fast as she could.  She sneezed.  I said, "Oh bless you Nike," then I look down and see a giant long green horse snot stuck on my leg.  Disgustamundo!

Bella had a big ol' dry wet spot on her right side.  She stunk.  I'm pretty darn sure she's rolled in Nike's pee.  Blech.  She's getting hose rinsed tonight.  I am not brushing pee out.  Eww.

Made an appointment with the farrier to trim their feets on Saturday.

Zumba Licensed

I'm not Zumba certified.  I'm Zumba licensed.  Our teacher explained that certified has, hmm, a bit more prestige when you're out looking for a job.  Obtaining a Zumba license requires eight hours but certification is a lengthier process done through ACE or AFAA and is more expensive.  Additionally, a certified person must complete CPR and First Aid classes.  Many of the Zumba students in the workshop, including me, don't have all that, so we can teach Zumba but not aerobics and all the other stuff that teachers who work in a health club can do.  That's cool with me.  I only wanna teach Zumba.  I do want to get CPR and First Aid training someday. My sister has CPR and she said they teach you to do the compressions to the song "Staying Alive."  She said so many people know the song and when they sing in it their head it helps them do the compressions not too fast and not too slow, but just the right speed.  Funny!

The eight hour workshop was brutal.  When we danced it was fun, but man, it was hot.  The daytime temp outside was 115 degrees and inside the gym with 60 people exercising it was stifling hot.  I had hoped they'd have the AC turned way up high but they didn't.  Everyone was a limp little leaf.  Except for the teacher, Vanessa Lupercio.  She's a tiny little thing, about 4'10", and she was non-stop energy.  She worked 12 years as fitness instruction for the National Guard.  I don't know where she gets all her energy.  I liked her a lot.  She'd demonstrate the steps, and say okay let's do it.  We'd do it and stand there completely worn out and she'd say, "I love you."  It would make us laugh because even though we were so hot and miserable we knew she had our best interest at heart.

I had diarrhea before the class because I was all nervous about moving for eight hours.  I know I can do a one hour class but I've never taken any kind of movement class for eight hours.  I took it easy all morning because I'm not a morning person, and dancing before noon is antithesis to the existence of Liliana.  Fortunately, I needed no emergency trips to the bathroom once I got there.  Thank you for that.  By afternoon I was so beat, but somehow during the dance routines I forgot that I was a limp noodle and I was able to put a bit of pop into it.  I said "a bit."  I just wanted to keep up.  There were two or three women older than I, so I wasn't the most ancient artifact there.  Heh. I was at a bit of a disadvantage having had only four Zumba classes and most of the students are taking it regularly.  There was one girl who had had only one Zumba class.  There was was girl (woman) who lost over 50 pounds with Zumba Fitness and she got a free, cute tee shirt.

I notice I'm attracted to all the Reggaeton dances the most.  Reggaeton originates from Jamaica, is most urban, and it's what you'd generally call Latin hip-hop.  I'm surprised that every song I'm most drawn to turns out to be Reggaeton.  Cumbia is super easy and way fun. Salsa, strongly influenced by Cuba, Africa, and Spain, is another we learned, and the fourth we learned is Merengue which is pronounced not like the pie, but like mer-AN-gay.  I like Samba steps very much and was disappointed that Samba in not taught in Basics 1.  You have to take Basics 2 for that rhythm.

Vanessa commented twice on how much she liked my pink top.  Boom chicka boom!

She taught us the Zumba formula so we can create our own dances and be authentically Zumba.  Vanessa said, you can't do all Reggaeton rhythms or it's not Zumba.  Zumba is a combination of international rhythms.  I thought it telling that she said you can't do all Reggaeton.  I suspect a lot of the dancers like the Reggaeton the best.  We had one man in our class.  He was very popular by the end of the class.  He was quiet and seemed nice.

The last thing we did was choreography and though I was dreading it, it turned out to be one of my favorite parts of the class.  We were divided into four groups, each given a piece of a song to dance to.  We had to make up steps and be able to perform them as a group.  When we were all done practicing our parts, we all sat down and Vanessa played the song, a great song called "Fuego" which means fire.  When your group's piece came you had to jump up and dance it all out then sit down, and the next group would jump up and dance and sit down.  It was great fun to see which group would jump up and what steps they made up.  We knew it was the last part of the class so everyone put all their energy into it.  It was fun to do and fun to watch.

I was so happy when she handed me my certification of completion.  Really, really happy.  After lunch (I ate a salad), I had a tummy ache.  I think no matter what I ate I probably would have gotten a stomach ache.  I'm not taking any more classes in Tempe, Arizona, in July!

I have realized that teaching a Zumba classes requires more than I thought.  I mean, just the practice of the choreography is time consuming.  But I need insurance.  What?  No one ever mentioned insurance!  What's up with that?  That's gonna cost me a couple hundred bucks.  I have $170.00 in my account.  I have to figure out how much to charge per class.  I have to figure out how to offer classes - in a session or use packages.  I have to make a sign-in sheet and I need a liability waiver that follows the requirements of this state.  Paperwork.  Records.  Oh my.  No one ever mentioned all this.  And so, that's what I've been researching and thinking and doing since Monday.

I'm meeting tonight with the owner of a studio here in town.  I hope to offer classes at two venues.  One, at the gym, and two, this studio.  I have to print posters and think about advertising so people will know when and where to come.  Suddenly I'm worried about the routines being too hard for some people so I'm picking some easy ones to add.  I'm considering making the very first class free and calling it a "Beginner's Demo."  Yeah, that's an idea.  And I'll break down the moves and do the song twice since everyone will be brand new and probably anxious about if they can do it.  Everyone can do it!  It's way fun.  But I need to convey that.

See.  It's more than jump in and teach a class like I thought I was going do!  How come nobody told me about all this?  I guess that's why there are way more licensed instructors than there are actual classes.  Hmmm.  I think so.

Back by Monday

Gone to Zumba.  I shall return as a certified instructor! 

Myself viewed through 17-year-old eyes

The other day my 17-year-old nephew told my sister she reminded him of me.  She bought and was wearing a new top, a tie-dyed top, for her Zumba class.  I'm a stereotype.

The arachnid

A spider.

I woke up yesterday morning.   I was laying very straight bodied.  Good thing I didn't curl up before I got out of bed.  So I was lying there straight.  I whip the covers off me because I'm going to swing my legs over the side of the bed and pop up to greet the day.  And what do I see?  Beside me?  A giant spider!  Yes, a big one.  Just sitting there.  Beside me.  It was so fast that I didn't even have time to get scared.  He ran toward the head of the bed and disappeared but I didn't see if he went northerly or easterly, and he was clear gone.  Tonight my husband had the light on at about 10pm.  He went to bed at 9pm.  I went in and asked if everything was okay.  He said something was on him and he killed it.  Yeah, like I'm gonna be able to sleep in there tonight now.

I slept outside part of the night last night.  Got bit four times by mosquitoes. One is a bump on my chin and it better go away by Saturday.

One night last winter I was getting ready for bed.  I turned on the light and I was already bending down to take my shoes off and I saw one of these spiders and it was moving like lightning speed.  They are remarkably fast, but crazy thing was I was faster than he was.  I smashed him with a shoe because there was nothing but shoes because I was by the shoes.  My good luck, his bad.

Truth is, I feel bad killing spiders.  I don't like them.  They can't be in my house and they shall die if they are (unless they're a Daddy Long Legs), but I don't like killing them.  I have to kill black widows and brown recluse's because they're dangerous being poisonous.  I like tarantulas.  They don't bite unless they're scared.  I wouldn't want one on me though.  I hate sun spiders most of all.  They horrify me.  Don't google "sun spiders" or you'll see one.  And ants.  I can't bear ants.

It's time for me to go to bed.  Eek!

In-between chapters

I am not really liking this chapter. It's not even an actual chapter. I don't know what it is. Perhaps it's a chapter I'll tear out and forget. I love living in a trailer and traveling. I do not love living in a trailer and staying in one place. But life is what you make it. We'll see what I can do about it.

There is a thing that occurred that lifted me up mightily. I so wanted a drink last week. Ahhh yesss. Just a bit of wine with my steak or a shot of Crown Royale (that be a fine whiskey). Such a craving it was. I gave up drinking last year, not that drinking was ever a thing of great appeal to me, but I indulged regularly thinking it helped me sleep.  I admit I do like the benefit that abstinence affords - that of being above reproach.

I deflected the desire to have a drink.  Sunday came.  I enjoyed the feeling of overcoming fleshly desire for a bit of booze, the hair of the dog as they say.  I raised my hands in praise to the God I love and sang with the congregation about how this is my offering, me, since it's all I really have to give back to the Lord. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mpRAOS_rv7w

It gets better too.  Monday was the board meeting on which I am a new member.  It's a faith based organization that provides funds to the needy.  We have to vote on who does and doesn't receive funding.  Do I like it?  I do not like it.  I am not made, not built, for decision-making.  I'm just not.  I had to give my vote on two cases over the phone.  I voted opposite to Helen on one of them.  Helen, who has a soft and big heart.  I hesitated to give my vote at first.  I asked her if can I call her back about it.  Truth is, I was gonna ask my husband what I should do.  Helen, she cracked me up.  She knew what I was thinking.  She said, "I'll put you down for a 'no.'" Haha!  Indeed.  It was what my heart was saying but I never know when to listen to my own heart.

Which is precisely why I need to do this job with the heart of God.  I cannot do it myself.  I am not made for it.   My heart is not a big as Helen's.  She drops at the sight of a 19 year old pregnant unmarried girl asking for help.  It's not that I don't feel pity for the girl.  I feel it for the unborn child much more.  But as I see it, it's my responsibility to follow the rules without error.  Guidelines are great, but what are the rules for dispensing with the government funding.  Do I say gut feeling guided me?  I don't think I can do that with a clear conscience.  My gut feeling.  It's ain't worth much.

So as I voted over the phone, I had other compartments of my brain working simultaneously. I remembered the newest definition I have for "disciple."  I used to define it as "a learner."  Now I define it as a "disciplined follower."  Do I wanna be Christian or do I wanna be just Christianish?  I thought of my walk with Christ and my choice last week not to tip the glass (it would have only bit one second of my time to take a quick drink), and wow, it's like an outside expression of my inside self, of the Christ within me.  This decision and my future decisions, which now potentially touches the lives of others, will be of God, not only of me.

My outside self and my inside self are in sync.  It's good.

Husband just got home!  He brought good news.  We're moving animals today.  We have to eat and go right away!

Finally

Finally got my Zumba email for next Saturday. Bring two extra sets of clothing it says so you don't have to sit in cold, wet clothing. Oh and bring your credit card. You can opt to sign up with the ZIN network for $30 and $30 per month and you'll get nine songs and choreographies for free! Um, where's the free part again?

The tone of the class and Zumba in general always reminds me of EST (Erhard Seminars Training) that was so popular in the early '80s. My friend wanted me to go. All I needed was to come up with $425.00 and he was all positive and hyped up that I could do it. I was barely off welfare, raising a baby by myself, and earning a smidge above minimum wage. Idiot. I told him no way.

Not a fan of the screaming and yelling during a class. Methinks there's going to be some yelling. Liliana does not yell. Maybe one whoop, but no yelling. I have my warm-up almost memorized. The rest of the songs I use I think will be from Zumba, Inc. They have some very fun songs.

A day

Talked to my dad. Had a nice talk about a lot of nothing.

My men are gone right now.

Guess I'll go get dressed.

The phone I want

I found the phone I want whenever we get a land line again. Or, if ever we get a land line. A pink phone.

And just in case I can't find one I have a back-up phone that I like.

Secretly sick

There was a big online photo entry contest for the state of New Mexico. I have tons of New Mexico birds, critters, sunsets, rainbows, landscape, moon, and a few aren't half bad. I looked at the site and checked the end date and figured since my computer crashed and the photos are all on the external hard drive, and I'd have to search through them, I'd do it later. It was free submission - no cost. I didn't even look for what the prize was because I assumed (what's that saying about assuming?) that free submission meant the prize was no big.

I remembered the end date was June 29th. Slight error in depending on my own memory bank which is usually depleted. I went back on June 28th. Found out the end date was June 27th. A professional photographer guy here in town won and not to be negative, but it was a photo of some plain old rocks. Seriously.

Now my cameras are both packed full of photos and I haven't got the energy in my arms to download them. Not only that. I just assumed the winner got published and that's that. No, the winner got a $10,000 cash award prize. I would have known about it if I had bothered to read further on the site. Second, third, and fourth place prizes wouldn't have hurt either. That's when the sickness set in.

Man, I'm such a stoop. I think this calls one one huge, gigantic, ginormous, monumental rationalization. I need a good one. Okay. Got it. I say he would have won no matter what because he's got a fairly well known name and likely has connections and often the judges are very subjective anyways. That's what I'll say to myself.

Pretty pathetic. And I'm not much comforted either. At least no one knows how bummed I really am. I need that flashie thingie from the movie "Men In Black" to erase this awful memory. But then, I might make the same mistake again. Okay, I'll keep the memory and be smarter next time, or a least more punctual when there's something I should attend to right away. Yes.

Starting, starting, starting. . . tomorrow!

(I had two lovely comments, and a funny one from Jules, but I clicked something wrong and they're gone. I'm sorry.)

Almost done

Just finished working lunch break at the Visitor's Center. It's crazy. It's a steady influx of cars and trailers. I didn't make any boo-boos so it's another good day. I decided to drink decaf tea instead of coffee this morning and it helped. I still had a stomach ache at the start of the hour, but once I was working I forgot about it. Husband talked with Mona, the beautiful Mona, and she says she thinks after 6:00 we don't need to direct traffic. We're schedule for 5pm to 9pm. I hope we get dismissed at 6pm! I think we will because everyone can come in for free for the fireworks after 6pm. That's mighty nice of the state and the Friends community group to put on such a spectacular fireworks show and let people enter the park for free.

Working

Work went fine today. It was one hour in the Visitor's Center and two hours directing traffic. I was lucky that at 3pm the sun was making a wee bit of shade for me next to the building. I stood with my back slick against the wall to try to be in its shade. I had one person go through and I think she didn't pay. I think she had a blank receipt in her window and she was hoping I couldn't read it from as far away as I was. I let her go through because it's not like I could leave the gate open and walk to the other side of the lane. The other person who was almost a problem was in a motorhome and decided he was going to have a conversation with me. I told him he's blocking the emergency lane and please pull to the side and get out and go in the Visitor's Center. He was very nice and understanding, so it wasn't a bad experience. It was hot though. My ears went weird. It was like they were stuffy and when I talked I could hear myself very loudly in my head. I wonder if it was the heat. Anyway, it was a bummer. Took an hour to go away after we got home. Tomorrow will be the busiest day.

In the Visitor's Center I so don't want to make a mistake. I told the gal from Santa Fe that I'm better at the window than the counter and she let me work the window. I like her. But I'm such a nervous Nellie. My hands shake a tiny bit and I'm sure she noticed because she asked me if I'm okay. "Oh I'm fine," I said. She probably thinks I'm on meds. No, I'm not on meds. It's the natural me.

The other volunteers who worked a different kiosk are upset. They came up $64.00 short. I've never come up short to date. I take the cash, say out loud the amount charged and the amount the customer gives me, set it on the register, give them their change, and then I place the money in the drawer only after they see their change so if they argue with me I can show them the cash they handed me.

The boys in the kiosk today were young. Hired for the summer months. An employee came in and told them to look sharp because the director of state parks (the entire state) was here. One kid said he didn't care. Said he wasn't trying to impress anyone. What a shame. You never know when you may make an impression and it could work in your favor in the future. One boy said to the other, "I'll be back. I gotta take a p*ss break." They knew I'm standing right by the open window. Yuck. He also made a big sound like an old man and spit. I was quite grossed out. The other boy sloshed water in his mouth and spit it out. I don't know why and I don't want to know why. Suffice to say, I'm unimpressed by the local boys. The employee pool here is pretty shallow. I daresay they both lack motivation, initiative, and drive, and I predict they will not go far. Pity the girls who marry them. My husband says men aren't supposed to spit when women are around. I was married to him for 12 years before I ever knew he spit. He only did it when he ran when he was preparing for the LA Marathon. I saw him do it by accident. I was shocked! It's never happened since.

I'm making a disco CD for him. I like researching music. Talk about shallow. My vast knowledge of '70s and '80s music makes me pretty shallow. I used to be so embarrassed that he liked the Bee Gees. I was disdainful of disco. His daughter would slide down real low in the front seat of the car so no one would see her with him when he listened to the Bee Gees. Haha! Strange thing has happened in 30 years. The Bee Gees and Donna Summer songs made me smile. What's up with that.

I also downloaded "You Dropped A Bomb On Me" by The Gap Band. It so reminds me of dancing in 1983 at 94th Aero Squadron before I was married. Used to go with Lisa and Mary. Lisa was my friend until I met my husband. It was so weird. When I was single and sad she was a great friend, but when I met a really good guy she kicked me to the curb. I should think she would have been happy for me, but she stopped being my friend. She and Mary and I were room mates. I moved out soon after and that was the end of that.