I've become attached to my hair

The longer it gets, the more I love it. I had long hair before and never gave it much thought.

One of my aunts always colored her hair. I liked it best when she had it platinum blonde! I saw her last time and she had stopped coloring it. She had a classic bob about chin length and I was standing over her looking at the top of her hair. It was salt and pepper all the way through. I was surprised. I was even more surprised when I realized I was thinking it looked good on her. She looked good. My Aunt Helen was always one of my favorite aunts.

My other aunt always colored her hair brown but I didn't know it was dyed. I saw her after a long time and she had stopped coloring. It was all the way grey. I nearly had a heart attack. Really, my heart skipped a beat. I guess I just wasn't ready for it. I never thought the grey fit her. Or maybe, I could never adjust my mind to to the fact that she had grey hair. I mean, she was in her 70's for goodness sakes. I gotta get a grip.

My cousin's ex-wife, Carol, had the softest, most feminine voice I ever heard. She was a beautiful blonde. I recently saw a photo of her. Exact same hair cut as when I was ten years old, but it was stark grey. She wore overalls and she stood next to a large bookcase that she had built and hand-finished. Obviously very talented with woodworking. Her son is in his 30's now; married, successful, two children. I can't believe how the time has passed.

And I remember when I promised myself to be a long haired older woman. I was about 29 and my dance teacher was 39 (which qualified as old to me at the time!) and she had long, brown hair. I thought I had to write a note to myself and put it in a vault, and reread it if I forget. Have long hair, have long hair, have long hair. Don't cut it short. Short is like, the lukewarm of life.

Well, I did cut it short when I was 38. In fact, I lopped it off to shoulder length before that.

But I couldn't now. I feel very connected with this hair. It defines me. I suppose that can be good or that can be bad. Depends. The changes in my life are right here on my head. The reflection in my mirror confirms that I'm ascending through this earthly life. Moving, changing, learning, loving, finding, losing. Am I up for it?

There are ups and downs, but I don't want to live a life lukewarm so...give me a full serving, please.