Blog break

Will come back when I'm feeling better.

Sunday

I plan to do absolutely nothing today. Except for folding some laundry. That's something. Maybe cook dinner. That's something too.

My back feels a little better so I think I'm relieved it's nothing serious. Still need to wait a couple days for that determination, but I'm thinking it was only sore muscles now. I can't bend over very well still.

Another girl in town is going to get a Zumba license.

I wish my stomach would be normal. I'm tired of feeling high strung all day and not being able to sleep.

I'm not happy at the gym. I only earn $10 an hour and I don't think it's very fair. There were 21 in my class last Wednesday. I thought ten bucks was fine when I thought no one would come, but I've advertised and now word-of-mouth is working for me and they like the class. It's a lot of practice and time devoted to Zumba to get only $10. And they have a new room they want me to use. It has open air and misters and the truth is I don't like the room. I get too wet and I think my shoes slipped a little. I'm afraid I might slip and fall. I like the regular air conditioned room better.

In contrast, at the smaller studio I had ten students and earned $50. I flubbed up and felt embarrassed, but oh it happens. Can't take myself too seriously (I tell myself). In a song I know upside down and inside out, I lost my place for about 16 counts. Small torture.

Maybe when the other girl teaches she can teach in the misty room.

Went riding last night and my lower back is killing me. Taught a Zumba class with achy back. I did it. I flubbed up one part, but I did it. I'm tummy-achy, back-achy, angsty, head-achy. I don't know why I'm doing anything.

Saturday night

Thought I made a clean break from the treasurership. Keyword, thought. Two board members said they'd take over and so that changed everything and I needed to fill out the grant paperwork to apply for next year's funds. I have not the foggiest notion how to start. I looked at all the figures and the questions - and I had no idea what to do.

So I emailed Helen and told her I hate being treasurer. Not too professional of me. I should have couched it in more mature language. Anyway, she offered to trade jobs with me (just to add to my misery because then I had to say no twice) and I could be secretary and take the minutes. I can't. I told her no. Haven't heard back, but I'm sure she's semi-devastated that I'm not the person she thought I was. Not to whine, but the two hour a month volunteer job was more like ten and that's ten hours of pulling my hair out mostly. I hate volunteer work. Why am I half a century old and still unable to say no. Technically, I've improved tremendously at saying no, but to Helen I said yes. I like Helen. I suppose that's the end of that now. Plus I have to write a letter of resignation and give it to my pastor since he heads up the non-profit group. That's just great. Now every time I see my pastor I get to feel bad. His wife and his daughter, and Helen, are movers and shakers. I'm not. I fix my life so I don't need meds and what do I do? Stick my face right into a situation, self-inflicted. It makes me hate everyone and not want to go to church. I'm already stretched tight trying to be a Zumba instructor.

Zumba today was good. Seven people but three were late and someone didn't pay me because I was short $5. Bummer. I slept poorly last night thinking of being "the bad volunteer", then woke with a stomach ache because of it. As if I need another reason besides Zumba to get all tied into knots. But after class several people thanked me and it was so nice. In San Diego the teachers arrived, led class, and left. No chatting. One teacher that I talked to was picking up her bag and leaving like she had no time to talk and all I asked for was the name of a song she played. I try to chat and be a good listener and inspire my class to exercise. It's really rewarding when people come in uptight and leave happy - like they've accomplished something - which they have. I appreciate that it requires planning and effort just to show up for class, especially on Saturday when most folks are doing errands that can't get done during the week. I want everyone to have a nice time. I want our class to have a warm, inclusive, supportive environment. I desire to accomplish that.

Bella is thin. I don't know why. We're a little concerned. We're going to feed her more hay and see if it helps. Her diarrhea is gone. She's calm. She never pins her ears back when I groom her so nothing hurts. I'm not sure what could be wrong. I've had a person say she's overweight which I find laughable and others who say at her age she's supposed to be a little "ribby", but she's too ribby in my estimation.

I heard from one of my students that the gym said they could open another Zumba class. Hmmm. No one has mentioned it to me yet. I sure wish they would sweeten the pot a little and offer something more than $10 an hour. I desire to take the Zumbatomic workshop and get licensed to teach children age 4-12. It looks like great fun and it's so good for the kids. Click here to go to YouTube to see the absolutely cutest little boys doing Zumbatomics.

Zumba was great

For this little town, great is to have 18 people in Zumba class. Wow. The energy was so fun. And I didn't get as sick with anxiety before class. Maybe it'll start to fade now. I would not mind at all. Suddenly today I feel like practicing and learning new routines. My desire was getting all crushed and spit on by the evil anxiety. It made me not want to dance and that's highly unusual for me. I just couldn't drag myself into practicing at all for the past three weeks and before that I practiced day and night. Night practice was in my dreams.

There was one new person tonight. All the others are returnees. Well, check this out. She said her doctor told her to get to a Zumba class. I said, "Whaaat?" And she pulled out a prescription from her purse and there on it I read the word "Zumba." No way? Way! Way cool. Zumba - it's doctor recommended.

After the hip-hop Christian song, "Boomin'" by Toby Mac everyone clapped. They liked it! I do it exactly like the vid except with no push-ups. I love the boot camp move down to the floor and up. I had three men in class tonight. I'm going to pay special attention to pick routines that are not too girly.

Kathryn, I got the jimmy finger this morning and accidentally deleted your nice comment from yesterday where you were commiserating with me about volunteering. My fingers were still asleep and I don't know how they did it.

An unexpected reprieve

Two months ago I became the treasurer for a small 501(c)3 agency. At tonight's meeting they passed a painful decision that since the new president (who came on board the same time I did) is moving and no one is available to take her place, the organization will close its doors. It's really a shame because it's funding the community needs and Helen worked her heart out five years ago getting it started and keeping it going. It was truly a labor of love on her part. I remember when she had books and binders and papers and notes about how to start this organization piled up all over her house. She was driven. She did a superb job.

But I stink as a treasurer! I was really bad at it. One thing I forgot to do was get a bank statement. Did ja know you're supposed to have a bank statement from the bank? I kinda forgot. To get one. I balanced the checkbook against my Quicken program and when those two figures came out the same I patted myself on the back and counted it as a job well done. ...I used to manage a million dollar budget 15 years ago when I was a Commmunity Development Block Grant Administrator. I guess I got dumb. I dunno what happened.

I am utterly relieved I don't have to be a treasurer anymore. I'm free! My shoulders feel so much better. I don't have to stress about it anymore - after the remaining funds are spent. I count it as a lesson. I will never volunteer for anything like this again.

I hate volunteering. It always turns out badly.

Small scream

I got on the scale this morning. We have one of those scales like at the doctor's office. Son asked for it for Christmas when he was about five years old. Homeschooled kids ask sometimes for unusual gifts. It was in storage the last five and half years while we traveled.

So I got on it and I weigh 114. Egads. That's too low. I weighed 107 when I met my husband in 1984. I weighed 124 when doing belly dance. My jeans are falling off my hips. Oh dear. It's the Zumba. As of today I'm increasing my calorie intake. I don't wanna be too thin. I still have my shape but husband said my legs are too thin. I think he means my thighs. I've had some trouble eating but I'm going to try very hard to not have a stomach ache and to eat more every time I eat. And snack. I'll start snacking at night. That should help. I hope. If only I could do an automatic weight transfer from some of my students to me! I hate having to think of weight.

In my closet

A baby gecko was by my tennis shoe in the closet today. He was quick and cute. Son caught him in a glass and put him outside.

Life with a vengeance

Life seems to have caught up to me and with a vengeance. We bought furniture, but only after we drove to El Paso on a Sunday for nothing - the store was closed. Drove back on Tuesday. Didn't like anything. Went to Cruces. Bought a few things. One piece has crooked knobs. Do I want to drive it all the way back to Cruces to exchange it? Had the dry heaves before my Saturday Zumba class (from pure nerves). I was victorious. I did the class, did fine, earned $45 bucks. Zumba is going well. I have two full classes - about 15 in each class. I have a sore ankle though and class at 5:30pm tonight. It's an attack of the enemy no doubt. I've had no time to learn new routines and I need to do that very much. A third of our stuff is still in storage, a third in the house, and half in the trailer. Our meal times are all messed up. Haven't had a normal family meal in a week. Husband is returning Nike today because she's pushing down the fence. Two stray horses were in the yard on Monday. Animal control came and got them. I'm a new member of the board, I'm treasurer for F.O.H., and paperwork and phone calls are more than I expected. Husband has been run ragged. Son loves having his own room. I have no time.