Into a house

I cannot believe a major life change is happening in only one more day. We love this trailer, but we will be in a house. On Wednesday we'll be. . . house people again.

I am not sad or blue. Actually I feel excited. The guidance of the Holy Spirit is unmistakable. I'm sure it's the right thing for us to do. Rarely in my life am I sure about anything.

DSL. We'll having screaming fast DSL in the house! And a land line with unlimited phone calls. I told my husband I want a dial phone and at first he said why and I reminded him of one of our worst fights ever. Really, it wasn't a fight. More accurately I'd say it was an ugly scene. And it was only one minute, but minutes make memories. I never said a word.

My husband has big fingers and always, seriously, he's always missing the correct buttons on the stupid cell phones and hand held phones. One day my dad phoned and husband picked up the phone and thought it wasn't working. He had messed up and touched something so that my dad could hear him, but he couldn't tell my dad was on the line. So husband hung up, he hollered up one side of me and down the other about what I did to the phone. I didn't do anything to the phone! ...And my dad was actually still on the line and heard everything. In under 60 seconds an important relationship was damaged. I felt a little bad about what my husband said to me, but I know my husband's temper. It flares quickly and fades quickly.

But my dad doesn't know my husband like I do. He took offense on my behalf. I appreciated it. I love my dad. However sometimes it's best to leave things between and husband and wife alone. So next my husband took offense to my dad's sarcasm then it was pretty much a mess for several long years. Husband wouldn't talk with my pop for a long time. They were both mad. Now they've made up. Our son's verbal persuasion was the motivating force and his persuasiveness softened my husband's heart. I was very proud of our son. Words matter. Knowing how to use words is a useful skill. Being a pest doesn't hurt either! He mightily wanted his dad to make-up with his grandad.

How did I get down that bunny trail?

There were four new people at the aerobic kickboxing class tonight. I do it to help my Zumba strength and at Wednesday's class I mentioned the aerobic class to everyone and told them how it helped me. I told a couple (who are my age) that when she uses the step, I don't use it because my knees and feet don't like it. Well, I guess it inspired them to come. They wanted to work out, but don't like the step. Many people, they don't want to look different from the rest of the class. I don't care though. I was the only once doing 'step tap' while everyone else did jumping jacks. Now there are several peeps doing step tap like me! Wheee!

My husband sat in the truck as I groomed Bella and Nike. It was dark outside. We got there so late. I told him when we got home that I'm probably the only person who grooms horses in the dark. What he said struck me as very tender because he looked at me and said, "Those horses mean a lot to you." I hadn't thought of it. I do love them, but I didn't know if horses in our life could be real or an "almost, but not" kind of thing. Now that we're going to be in the house and the corral is right out front, it's all real. I could never have imagined it. Not in my wildest dreams.

Aaaah. Life is so sweet. It's 2010 and I already know it will be too short.

I am

I am a Zumba instructor! I did it. I taught my first two classes this week: Wednesday evening and Saturday noon. Yeah, I was scared but it was worth it going through the scariness.

At the Wednesday class I was the most nervous. I did about an eight minute talking intro since none of the students had taken a Zumba class ever before. I had an outline and tried to keep it brief. It went well except sometimes I had to take a big breath because I guess I wasn't breathing. Haha! And my mouth was super dry from nerves. But I did it. That's what counts. Karol said she couldn't tell I was nervous, but she was way in the back row. But it's true that nervousness often doesn't show as much as we think.

On the dancing part, I made no errors on Wednesday, not one, but I did on Saturday - about three. I just kept going. I didn't have a meltdown or make a big deal of it. Yay me. It's not easy dancing through a mistake. I hope it'll get easier. And it was a routine that I know inside out too. Go figure.

Next week I'll be teaching a full hour. Technically, I only have 40 minutes memorized but many brand new teachers do a few songs twice because it's such a daunting task to memorize 60 minutes right off the bat. I think the students will like it because part of the fun is that after you know the routine then you can add style and flavor. That's when the real fun kicks in. I think they will not mind doing a few songs twice while I learn the new routines to get up to 60 minutes. I really needed to get out there and start. I had a fear that I would spend so much time practicing that I'd finally, ultimately, do nothing.

Somebody took my Zumba flyer off of the bulletin board at the market. Who did that! My husband said someone probably just wanted to take it home. Why I oughta. Now I have to get another one made. That costs $1.20.

Fifteen people came Wednesday and 14 on Saturday, but a few of the Saturday people had been there Wednesday so they were repeats. That's good though. They came back. We'll see how many will pay five bucks to come though.

After we did the Kulikitaca song everyone clapped. That was neat! They were sweating too. And at the Wednesday class it was cool because after some of the dances there would be all manner of chatter and laughter. It was very uplifting.

Today I had a bit of an odd fellow in the class. He was waving his arms around kind of funny. We have that sort of thing here. He was a nice enough guy though. Harmless. And one lady chose a spot, strangely, right next to me. I had to make my steps very small on the side she was on. I didn't want to offend her since I don't know which people will become regulars so I smiled and made due. One lady came in wearing 1.5" platform sandals. I said she couldn't move in them. She'll hurt herself. I can't remember if she left. Either another lady brought her shoes or she left. I can't remember. I'm sure that even if she tried she would not last long in those shoes.

I got a compliment from one lady, she's from church, who said she's noticed I've trimmed down. I said, yeah, my back doesn't hurt much anymore (from strengthening the abdominals) and my husband says I'm leaner and meaner. She asked how long it took and I told her five months. She's already taken her measurements and seems serious about losing weight. I was very encouraged by that because she's just the kind of person I hope the class will appeal to. I talked to her and told her that if she wanted even to bring a chair to sit in to rest, she is welcome to. I got that idea from my sister.

Finally, I'm in a position where I can give back to the community. I want to serve the community well. I remember once my pastor said that as we become older we should become teachers. It always stuck in my mind. And there is so little here in the way of extracurricular endeavors to get into shape. There's no YMCA, or I should say "Y", no active community center or city recreation department. I hope I will be successful with this endeavor.

I bought a Samsung washer and dryer online tonight for delivery to the store and we'll pick it up. I am waiting till we get them and move into the house before I wash my Zumba pants. I'm not even running those babies through the laundromat washer/dryers. I'll wash them by hand. My husband said I can order another pair. I am happy for that! I have some regular black dance pants but the crotch kind of creeps down. Very uncool to have to pull up your pantaloons while dancing.

Big ticket items

Went to Cruces and got home at 5:30pm. It was 106 there and on the way home it rained which brought temp down 20 degrees. Then it went back up at home.

We bought our son a desk from Office Max. He chose a corner desk to make the most of his small space. It's laminated, but it's all his and it's brand new and on sale. Husband and I looked at washers and dryers, flat screen tvs, and sound systems. We are so out of the loop technology-wise that after two minutes of looking at each item we were overwhelmed. We did decide on a tv one step up from what I had been considering. We like the LED backlighting and four HDMI connections for streaming from the internet. He said he'd consider a Maytag washer/dryer set when I was only considering Samsung, so I'll widen my research on that. We decided a HTiB (Home Theater in a Box) is best for our needs sound-wise. We used to have a Yamaha sound system with gigantic speakers. Good thing we didn't keep it. It would never fit in our new space. I don't want to bother with putting a system together piece by piece and I don't want wires all over or to have to spend time putting speakers on the wall, so a real surround sound system is out. We happened to walk by a Bose system that sounded good and was so small! It's only three speakers and a remote. I have to admit I always wanted something Bose and though not every Bose product is a good deal, I think this one is. So I'm reading, reading, reading. It was nice when we lived in the Bay Area because just reading the tech section of the Silicon Valley newspaper (The Mercury News) naturally kept us up to date about what products were good or mediocre or no good. Now I'm running fast as I can to get educated to spend our money well for best value.

For the furniture I decided on the same pieces but without the stars. I guess stars are kinda Texas. I love Texas. I sure do. But if I had a symbol in our living area I'd rather use the zia from the New Mexican flag. I thought the star was kinda Amish too. I love the Amish. But they're in Pennsylvania.

I think I just memorized another routine for Zumba. It's for the song "Rock Around the Clock." A 1950s tune. It's in my head. I'll have to see if my body can do it this afternoon. Tomorrow's my first class. I feel well. Excited. I had a bad stomach ache for a week and a half, but yesterday and today it's gone. I ate a big full taco lunch yesterday. It was sooo nice to eat a good meal and feel relaxed. I've been having to eat such tiny portions because my stomach was tense. I'm in a prayer group and my friends are praying for me. "Be not conformed to this world; but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind." And "God has not given us the spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind." And then the Holy Spirit showed up Sunday night and was so sweet. Church went on for two and a half hours. I went up to alter call and let the Spirit fill me up and I'm still in the flow with it. I praise his wonderful, magnificent, glorious name.

Coffee tables

So we're getting a tv. It'll be one of those flat screen kinds. I have to research it. We're stepping back into the regular world. I'm shopping a bit for a coffee table. I wanted to put the tv on the wall, but what about the cords? I don't know if we can hide the cord and if any cords show it can't go on the wall. I like wood and I'd like a southwestern style since we're in the southwest. I'm thinking of these. Handmade in Mexico. Pine. All wood.

Oops. The giant end table is a little out of scale ain't it. I'm thinking used sofas and chairs and this new stuff. Not too expensive. Rustic. I definitely want rustic. Spill something, put your shoes on it, no big deal. It'll just add character to it. One thing that popped into my head last night - putting a vase of flowers on the kitchen table. I used to like buying flowers every week. Irises. I like irises. Purple. Gary already gave us a sofa and it's like brand new. It's awful kind of him. He and his wife are that way. Very generous. We will need a recliner for the man of the house :) and I think we need another sofa for peeps to sit.

Already told son he cannot have his computer in his bedroom. Computers belong in the community area, living room/kitchen. The tv is for my husband to watch sports. I expect to maybe watch some wildlife shows. Do they have those anymore I wonder. I'm not going to become a tv watcher. I already know I don't like some of the football commercials. Son has seen tv at friends' houses and has informed me of the list of shows he'd like access to:

Deadliest Catch
Dirty Jobs
Extreme 4x4
And maybe Wipeout

I have no idea what they're about but he's a fairly discerning so I think I wouldn't forbid him to watch them.

I put up the Zumba class flyers around town today: at the post office, laundromat, hair stylist's, the market, the ranger's office. I got my first Zumba email already from a girl who is excited that Zumba is coming to our town. People's excitement is contagious! I felt happy today whereas the last few days I'd been wondering what I've gotten myself into. Tomorrow I'm going to ask Gina if I may put a flyer in the store window. Lots of people go in and out there.

Eww

Poor Bella. She had diarrhea this morning. We think it's because she got real upset yesterday. Yesterday she walked into the narrow area between the fence and the shed they go in for shade and wind protection and got stuck. She must have been stuck a long time and I guess she couldn't figure out how to back out. Gary came home and heard a racket and found her and he got her out. She hasn't got a scratch on her and other than distress seems okay. I'm glad the diarrhea went away. Didn't know what I was going to do if it continued.

Tomorrow I get to clean her up. Blech. She's quite a mess in the back. Blech.

Appliances

Have to think about appliances. I have no name brand loyalties. The last fridge we bought was a Kitchen Aide and it was garbage. It leaked all over the kitchen floor one night. It wasn't a cheap fridge either. I liked the stainless steel look at the time and man, it was a pain to keep clean and beautiful. We're getting white next time. Don't need a fridge but we do need a washer dryer set. I'm thinking Samsung. It's made in China I think, but the Chinese know a lot about washers. Those front loader washing machines are the cat's meow and get clothes so much cleaner.

Can't say I'm not looking forward to purchasing things. I do still like to buy. It's the human condition I suppose. Am disappointed to be leaving behind the whole living small concept. We'll have water bills, trash bill, electric and gas bills, cable bills, weed killer spraying to do, watering of plants to do, cleaning house, CLEANING HOUSE, to do. Aaaauugh! I haven't done that in years. But I can take a bath in winter. We won't have to go to the laundromat. I'll have Pergo flooring in the extra room to dance on.

I will go with the flow. Everything's coming up roses so go with the flow.

Some mojo

Such a fine day. I just watered the birds. I always check Mrs. Thrasher's nest. It's empty now, but she raised to broods in it this year - four babies total. I can't help walking over to look inside of it. A couple days ago someone put some bean pods that grow on the bushes here inside the nest. I wonder if she did it. Husband said maybe a squirrel did it but a squirrel couldn't possibly climb a cholla cactus.

Some mojo. I got a hair compliment today. I wore it down to churchity-church and afterward helped husband in the Visitor's Center where a customer said it was long and pretty and, (the and is what has it) and my ends are nice and thick! She works in a salon as a masseuse and said she has to have a nice cut and style because of where she works and we talked about trimming, drying, and ends and so on. Very cool. Her hair was long by most standards and it was layered; thick and luxurious. It's interesting how she knew how to pass on a good compliment. Guess she knows that from working in a salon.

I think we might be moving into the house early September! My husband said we are gonna get a flag pole! We had one at our other house. Got it before 9/11 too. A lot of people started flying flags after 9/11 but we had one quite before. I told him I am so excited at the thought of getting one and he said I was excited when we got the other one too. I don't remember that. I just remember being happy to have one. I picked it out and he put it up. It sas 20' I believe and it was a tad short so this time I said I'd like a 25 footer. He said okay. Can't wait to shop! We used raise the flag every morning (okay, he did) and took it down and folded it every evening (we did). Our neighbors seemed to appreciate it though I didn't realize they did till we moved and they told us how they would miss seeing the flag flying. I always liked the Gadsden flag too - the yellow one with the rattlesnake that says "Don't tread on me." It was the U.S. Navy flag before there was a U.S. Navy. On the other hand, we're in New Mexico. Maybe a New Mexico flag would be nice to add. Hmmm. We'll just the the U.S. flag. Another one would be expensive and it was have to be replaced as often and the American flag. Okay.

I have to start dinner. We're having chicken soup and fresh sourdough bread from the bakery. We're the only family I know who eats hot soup and a blistering hot day.

Paperwork and prep

Straight out of the camera.  A rarity for me because I can't control myself from highlighting this or that, messing with exposure and paintbrushing.  I smiled big.  I have some others that look like I have the crazies.  Emailed one to my husband and I walked over and said, Look at my smile, it's not too bad.  Hey, I said, you need to scroll up to look at my smile. He's such a man. Wished I'd shot the other side so my tattoo isn't sticking out right in front. I forgot about that.

I needed a photo for my flyers so I can print them and stop thinking about it. My husband traipsed through the hot desert on my behalf and scoped out a fine juniper tree with shade for me to stand under.  I was thinking a perfect venue would be a photo at the gym or the studio but I don't want to wait, plus a lot of the Zumba girls use photos from in their house or out and about doing whatever. I'm using the photo on top.  Usually I delete photos that show my turkey gobbler profile (the second pic), but that's what it be like.  Fifty one years takes its toll and I accept it. I'm alive and an imperfect jawline is small payment.

The real truth is, I wish to get it fixed someday but my husband doesn't want me to because he doesn't want me to accidentally die getting cosmetic surgery.  I don't do well under the knife and he knows it.  I do too, so shame on me for wishing. I say, better to die skiing or hiking or anything, even eaten by a bear, than plastic surgery for vanity purposes.  It wouldn't make a good headstone - The beloved Lil lies here.  Died from neck lift with platysmaplasty (that means with an incision under the chinny chin chin and behind the ears).  I'd never do anything to the eyes though.  I see people with bald looking, sunken eye sockets from having their eyes done.  Too chancy.  Eyes give such character.  I don't mind some sag in the eyes.  I should try to make peace with this whole aging thing.  Naaah.  Who am I kidding!  Can't do it.  No peace. 

I will drop off the flash drive with the printers tomorrow.  I still need to get a liability waiver.  Need to distribute the flyers in town.  Then I'll be pretty much done with all the setting up.

I'm memorizing the cool down routine today.

The meteor shower the other night was excellent. There weren't lots of them as when we were at Joshua Tree National Park a few years back, but the ones I saw were very bright and very long and quite spectacular. It was worth a rotten night of sleep. I jumped awake when a mosquito bit my index finger and it was then I finally surrendered and went inside to my comfy bed. Checked the clock and it was 4:00am. I always want to be at one with nature but I end up coming inside. Last time I slept outside a huge wind storm came up.

The Perseids

I'm going to sleep outside on a cot tonight to watch the sky.  I think I might be a day early though, so I'll have to sleep outside tomorrow too.  And the moon is just a couple days past new, just 6% full according to my sidebar moon, so it's small and won't interfere with its bright moonlight.  Ooooh la la.

I purchased liability insurance of one million dollars today.  I'm scared and excited.  Excited and scared.  No, not scared.  Anxious.  No, I need a positive word. Uneasy?  Queasy?  No.  They're positively not positive.  Eager.  Excited and eager.  Eager is a weird word though.  Kind of like "yearning." 

I'm looking forward to being a Zumba teacher.  I start on August 25th at 5:30pm.

Nice

I got two hair compliments yesterday.  A double header.  I was wearing my hair in a braid.  We were at Denny's restaurant paying our bill, well, husband was paying the bill.  I was sitting on the sofa.  And a young waitress, she was cashiering, told me my hair was long and pretty.  Wowie kazowie.  Often people will say, "Your hair is long," and I say, "It is."  I'm not sure if "thank you" would be appropriate.  It's more like they're making a statement of fact, not complimenting.  So anyways, it was great to get a no-bones-about-it compliment.  And that's not all.  Another sweet waitress sat down beside me, like a friend only I think she was just really tired, and started talking about how pretty it is and she added that not all women can wear my color of hair and look good.  I was really wondering if she was a long hair person.  She said she liked the color of my hair very much.

They were the nicest compliments I've gotten in a long time. I walked out of the restaurant positively beaming.  I told my husband how happy I was and he said, "Oh?" as he looked at the receipt from breakfast.  I said, duh, you know they gave me nice compliments.  As if!  And then he says, "Well, you do have beautiful hair."  And I told him he doesn't know anything.  He's just a husband.  And he threw his hands up exasperation.

Speakers and me

Speakers and me, we have a problem.  I'm always blowing them out.  I kept upgrading my sound system in my car (back in the day when I had a car) and still blew one of them out.  One speaker got a little rip in it which I could sense in certain music.  I loathe cheap sound.  Well, ideally I do.

So I was practicing my first song at the studio yesterday, Selena got there as I was leaving by the way, and three minutes later there was a huge crashing sound.  The owner is as best I can guess a Buddhist, Muslim, Namaste, with a bit of Virgin Mary thrown in for good measure believer, and keeps a shrine in the studio.  This sound system is barely squeezed in behind the shrine.  It's an excellent location to hide it from eyes of passers-by, but it's hard to reach.

So I'm dancing "Que Te Mueve" which means How You Move and I hear such a mighty crashing (I thought I was going to have a heart attack ) and it sounded as if whole shrine covered with glass ornaments, glass candles and oil bottles and pictures, was falling over.  It didn't.  Thank goodness.  But I looked behind it and I guess the deep bass and having the volume cranked up to 25 caused the two speakers to walk and they had fallen from the top shelf allll the way down to the floor amid a myriad of little stuff and things she stores back there.  I stumbled back a few steps and got hold of my neck (I always choke myself when I'm nervous) and after a minute decided I better stop hyperventilating and figure out what to do.

I picked up the speakers and placed them back on the shelf.  I'm a dork and put one upside down, but then I noticed and put it upright.  One lost its wire but to the other a wire was still attached.  I tentatively played my CD and listened real close and one speaker was busted, but the other one sounded fine.  Called the owner and she was real sweet and kind about it.  It's true that it was already precariously perched, but you know, people can get mean when it comes to their stuff, but she was very nice and all forgiving.  I suggested her husband could fix it or my husband could (hopefully) and she replied that her husband is not a fixer of things, so I said I'll have mine look at it.  He looked at it today and soldered the wires back together and added hinges so the speakers won't walk.  He's going to go back and make it so the top shelf won't be able to tip off the rack too.  I love him so

Welp, looks like the week of the 16th or the 23rd I'm gonna have to buckle down and actually teach an actual Zumba class.  I'm working on flyers now.

I have a new pair of sunglasses.  I'm off expensive sunglasses.  I declare, I'm never buying a pair of expensive sunglasses ever again.  I always lose them, so why spend so much money on them?  I found a pretty darned good pair at Wal-Mart today.  They're polarized and give me the world in rose color.  That's a bit o' all right.

My last pair of expensive ones I lost on Wednesday.  We were part of a search party looking for a man who's gone missing.  It's awful sad.  The sheriff was there and people on horseback were there, and people to search on foot were there.  We didn't find him.  I hope he's found soon so his wife and family can have some peace about it.  When at first we were looking I felt like it was doable, but after a couple hours you realize you'd have to walk right upon him to find him.  The desert is so big.  I wished I had the eyes of the birds soaring on the winds overhead.  Could they see what we're looking for.  Do they know where he is?

Selena's going to meet me at the dance studio.  Well, it's a yoga studio I'm using for dance, and I'm going to test out my moves on her.  She gets off work at 4:00pm.  My quads are so sore.  Yesterday it hurt just to sit down.  Not that I sit on my quads, but I do use them to lower myself down to el sofa.  Better just to fall on the sofa then you don't need to engage the quads at all.

None of my pants are tight anymore.  It must be the Zumba.

Being married

Being married gives you someone to blame.  Here's the thing.  Awhile back I left my phone in my pants and it got washed with the laundry.  About two months ago I started going to the laundromat with my husband so he can get the folding done faster (he hates folding the whites) but at the time of my cell phone wash incident he did the laundry and I was home.  Anyway, it was my fault.  I can see that.  I would have been nice if he'd noticed it in my pocket, but who am I to point fingers.  I did leave it in my own pants pocket. 

Now he washed his phone in the pocket of his pants and it's my fault.  I don't know how that works!

We plan to move to our rental house at end of August.  Far sooner than expected!  We will have our own washer and dryer there.  Oooh la la.  No.  More.  Laundromat.

Oh my

I typed a lot on the topic of apologetics.  Accidentally deleted it so I did a quick Control Z to to undo.  Evidently I did the Control Z one too many times.  I undid myself to a blank page.

Now to calmly walk away from this computer.

Summer break

Gave our son the next two weeks off from homeschooling. He got a job too. Today he earned twenty bucks. He's working tomorrow too. He's a server and a dishwasher and a plate preparer. Today was not very busy for him though. I think Saturday will be far busier. School starts here in New Mexico on August 16 so families will all have a last fling for the summer and will spend money on burgers and such. They wanted him to work Friday, Saturday and Sunday, but I said no to Sunday because he needs to attend church. He complained bitterly and I said, well, how do you think you got this job? God brought you to it so don't you be complaining. God gave you a good brain and strong arms and legs. God provides us with opportunity. Don't you complain. We go to church once a week to get refreshed in order to face the next six days. Don't you complain! My husband supported me too! Three days of work is too much for a 13 year old anyway. I wager he'll thank me for insisting that two days is enough.

Some people say how can they get to church on Sunday when they have so much to do. Or they're so tired. I say how can I not go to church when I have things to do or when I'm tired. Even when I have the blahs I go on Sunday. If I have something major coming up I need time in God's house before I go on. Nine times out of ten I feel better, refreshed, invigorated, stronger afterward. But I have the unction of the Holy Spirit. It pushes me. I read about unction in one of John's epistles. Epistle is a fancy word for a letter. When he was old, John, one of the apostles of Jesus, wrote three letters to Christians everywhere round about 90 A.D. He wrote the three letters called First John, Second John, and Third John, plus he wrote the Gospel of John. Plus what else? He wrote the book of Revelation. That's why he's also known as John the Revelator.

Unction is a compelling force within you from the Holy Spirit and is mentioned in 1John 2:20. I'm sure I must have unction. I can't stop myself and people get tired of me. I wish I had a little Bible group to go to.

Washed my hair and it's nice and soft. I brushed Bella and Nike a little, but not enough. I think we're going to Cruces tomorrow. I can't think of anything I need. There are so many stores there. I should want something but I can't think of anything.

I went through my Zumba playlist and danced the songs I know. I've had several people ask me when classes will start and I have to tell them I'm not ready. I'm trying not to get a complex about it. I love that people are excited and asking but I think people do not realize how much memorization it requires. I have nine more routines to memorize. After my workshop on the 17th I decided to try to learn them simultaneously but I don't think it's working. I'm going to go back to learning one at a time; the method that is tried and true for me. In the past two weeks I've really only learned one routine thoroughly all the way through. The others I know bits of and what use is a bit. I could dance them over and over and if I don't learn the entire thing, a bit is not going to help. Not one bit. Meh.

What was Jesus' last commandment? The Great Commission. Which prophet is the only prophet who knew God face to face. Moses. I read the Song of Moses in Exodus all morning this morning.

Newspaper poem

A long time ago I found this poem in the newspaper. I was the ripe old age of 21 or so - tired and worn from living life too fast and all wrong. I carried it in my wallet for years - wrinkled and frayed. It still resonates with me. It's such a sad poem though. It came to my mind tonight. I love my husband so much. I need him. Like air.

Today he was angry because the washer keeps leaking after he fixes it. And he's sore from working on the sites. The big monsoon rains have washed sand over all the sites and roads. Four inches covering the cement! He dislikes the hot weather. The propane wasn't firing up for some reason and he had to change them out at 6:00am to get hot water. We almost lost a long thank you note our son wrote then we found it and accused each other of misplacing it! I'm sure he did it. I should just say I did it because he's the one who will mail them. He always goes to the post office and I don't. He's so punctual and always does the right thing. I don't know how we ended up together. I'm so opposite of him.

He took a shower and chilled out a bit. He's fast asleep now. He falls asleep in two and a half minutes. How does he do that? I lie there for hours and he snores like bear. He tells me it's his clear conscience that makes him sleep so well. Me, my conscience is going full speed ahead 24 hours a day. When I was a kid even if I wasn't guilty I looked guilty. I suffer so! Ruminations. They serve no useful purpose. My iPod pushes them away though. Works pretty good. I listen to my music - lately my Zumba routines. But then when I really want to sleep I change to a sermon my pastor gave a few years ago. I've listened to the same one so many times I can probably give parts of that sermon myself.


After A While
©1971 Veronica A. Shoffstall

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman,
not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.

After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...

Lost

Last night I dreamt I was lost in Nebraska.  It was a long bad dream.  I woke up at 10:30am.  That's late even for me.  I just couldn't get out of Nebraska.  Couldn't get to a phone.  Didn't have change and even if I did I didn't know what number to call.  (Cell phones don't exist in my dreamworld.)  Didn't know my address.  Didn't have a car.  Kept looking in my purse to no avail.  I do need a new purse.  It's a very boho purse but I've worn the strap out.  In my dream my purse was my purse.  I guess I like my purse so it exists unchanged in my dream.  Hate cell phones so they are evicted from my dreams.

Found a studio

I met with a studio owner last night and we talked about Zumba.  She's very enthusiastic and she and her husband want to take the class too.  She's a nurse and a yoga teacher.  Very earthy - just a perfect specimen of people in this community.

So.  Best news of the day, I can afford it.  I was so happy!  I can use her space for $10 bucks an hour.  I can swing that.  She showed me the sound system.  Zumba instructor class stressed that a good sound system is imperative.  Well, it has fantastic sound, excellent booming bass, and gets plenty loud.

My latest plan is to do no routines in the first two demo class.  Instead I'll make them strictly how to do the steps of merengue, salsa, cumbia and reggaeton dances so students will have an actual vocabulary to build on.  This will do away with the mystery of the unknown for some people.  Hopefully it will make it more inviting to more people because being such a small town I need as many people as possible to feel comfortable enough to try a class.  Let's see.  I'll set up one free class during the week and one free class on a Saturday.  Yes, that's what I'll do.

I get to practice in the studio today!  It's a small one but it has mirrors.

The girls saw the farrier this morning.  They both did very well and stood quietly for the most part.  I didn't get to be there to watch, but son and husband said they like this farrier very much.  He didn't even charge us for Bella's feet because she didn't need much done.  Guess he had a good sense of humor.  Farrier work is extremely physical, back breaking work, and can be dangerous as well.  Farriers can get kicked and bitten and I saw a really bad bite on a man's back on a web site once. He talked to the horses a lot and to our son.  He told our son that if he learns how to do the work and wants to be an apprentice and do it as a job he'll see about getting him into a good mental hospital.  Haha! 

WSJ link

A link.  I usually end up deleting them later because they tend to disappear.  This one brought tears to my eyes.  Trust not the media, right or left.  Question.  Look deeper.  Seek details.  Don't just swallow it hook, line, and sinker.  I did, and so did a lot of other people.   

"Shirley Sherrod's speech, and her story, has lessons for us all."
"The Power of Redemption" written by Peggy Noonan.

I'm going to give it as a reading assignment to our son.

The girls

Got up early to go feed the girls.  We're calling Nike and Bella "The Girls" now.  I like saying it.  Winston the Hampshire pig is very happy in his new digs.  My husband says he thinks he saw Winston do a little hippity hop happy dance when he drove up yesterday.

We fed our neighbor's dogs and cats breakfast this morning too.  Son gets paid for it and he loves their dog, Patches.

I was petting Nike on the forehead this morn while she nibbled hay.  Actually, I petted her on the forehead while she was snarfing down hay as fast as she could.  She sneezed.  I said, "Oh bless you Nike," then I look down and see a giant long green horse snot stuck on my leg.  Disgustamundo!

Bella had a big ol' dry wet spot on her right side.  She stunk.  I'm pretty darn sure she's rolled in Nike's pee.  Blech.  She's getting hose rinsed tonight.  I am not brushing pee out.  Eww.

Made an appointment with the farrier to trim their feets on Saturday.