Our new hire is awesome.  She's fast.  She's efficient.  She's helpful.  She's nice.  And I like being around her.  She always calls our boss "sir."  I think he likes it.  It's just another nice thing about her. We did get our across-the-board raise.  We were all happy.  My raise was the smallest though, so I was little disappointed.  Still, a raise is a raise and you shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth.

I got a new car in April and it is duperly, superly nice.  I chose a Hyundai Elantra Limited.  It's exactly the color I wanted.  It's great on gas and I can start it remotely.  The only thing I wish it had is an upgraded sound system.  I like to be able to feel my music, as our son says.  Maybe sometime I will get better speakers and a woofer.  I miss having my husband drive me to work but it's nice having my own wheels again.  Now we have a payment for six years.  Boo.

Reading an article about grammar mistakes no one cares about (that was the title) I learned that two spaces after a period shows that you're old.  Boy, that made me mad.  I care about that!  I care about grammar too.  What yoyo wrote that article?  I have to try to start using only one space after my periods now.  It's hard to do!

Speaking of periods. I'm getting a bit of basal cell carcinoma removed from my face, the side of my nose, and the doc commented on the fact that I still have my period. He said, "Stranger things have happened."  My mom is now checking in on me and saying, "So did we get our period this month?" Haha!  Like I told the doc, every month I think it's the last one then I get another.  I do not mind though.  Except you'd think maybe I'd look younger or something, but dang, I'm 57 and I look 57.  That ain't fair.

Oh dear. I already forgot to use only one space after a period instead of two. Fresh start. Starting....now.

I'm waiting to hear back from SWBTS so I can sign up for a winter class. I'm excited to learn what class I will be taking. I'll have to hit up my savings account. My Zumba classes were killer small this summer so I didn't earn much there. I had a mere two or three students. Now I have seven to nine coming. I hope they continue.

My dad's wife was going to divorce him but changed her mind. The last time I talked to him he sounded so good. His voice was strong and he sounded like his old self. I hung up and was awash with feelings hard to put into words, but mostly, I suppose, sorrow.  Sorrow for the brokenness in all of us.

So I've been reading Psalms. The Psalms are songs and they are unique in that while the Bible is God speaking to man, the psalms are man talking to God. Some of the psalms are written by people who were in crisis, in dire situations, utterly dejected or afraid or lost or angry. You know, a lot of times you feel like when you're at church on Sunday you gotta be smiling. You gotta be smiling because you are a follower of Christ, supposed to be blessed, one of his children, a child of the One, True God. All of that is true but the psalms show that things are not always perfect or happy or great for YHWH's children. The psalms teach us how to talk to God. They teach us how to express ourselves in this relationship we have with the Author of All Things. I am a child of the one, true king. I am the head and not the tail. No weapon formed against me shall prosper. Greater is he that is in me than he that is in the world. Just like David encouraged himself, I too must encourage myself.

My mantra lately has been everythang's gonna be alright. Reminds me of a guy who worked in engineering when I was a secretary at Rockwell International in the '80s. But better is this one: "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." That's from Scripture.

My, how time flies.  We're soon going to be a quarter through the entire year.  Unbelievable.

My dad is in the hospital.  He couldn't breathe very well so he went to emergency yesterday.  They expect him to be released tomorrow.  He's had some bronchitis since December and they say now COPD.  No results from the x-rays or tests, so nothing is conclusive yet.  

One time I sat next to an old gentleman on a plane trip who told me that his family paid his whole ticket, round trip, so he would go see them.  I could tell why.  Really I could.  He was a pleasure to sit next to and he was so genuine - he wasn't putting on airs.  I pray I can be like him someday.  What a blessing he must have been to his family and his family to him.  

I'm in the process of applying to Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary.  I'm working on writing my testimony.  Been working on it three weeks.  It's not coming along because I have such a dull testimony.  I submitted my transcripts already so that part is done.  Check.

Our Friday Bible study is going well still.  I'm getting a leetle bit of Gospel of John lesson prep fatigue.  I might choose another topic for this Friday.  I'm leaning toward doing a short talk on order of doctrine based on an article written by Albert Mohler called "A Call for Theological Triage and Christian Maturity."

Did three new routines for Zumba Tuesday and the class really liked them.

Into a house

I cannot believe a major life change is happening in only one more day. We love this trailer, but we will be in a house. On Wednesday we'll be. . . house people again.

I am not sad or blue. Actually I feel excited. The guidance of the Holy Spirit is unmistakable. I'm sure it's the right thing for us to do. Rarely in my life am I sure about anything.

DSL. We'll having screaming fast DSL in the house! And a land line with unlimited phone calls. I told my husband I want a dial phone and at first he said why and I reminded him of one of our worst fights ever. Really, it wasn't a fight. More accurately I'd say it was an ugly scene. And it was only one minute, but minutes make memories. I never said a word.

My husband has big fingers and always, seriously, he's always missing the correct buttons on the stupid cell phones and hand held phones. One day my dad phoned and husband picked up the phone and thought it wasn't working. He had messed up and touched something so that my dad could hear him, but he couldn't tell my dad was on the line. So husband hung up, he hollered up one side of me and down the other about what I did to the phone. I didn't do anything to the phone! ...And my dad was actually still on the line and heard everything. In under 60 seconds an important relationship was damaged. I felt a little bad about what my husband said to me, but I know my husband's temper. It flares quickly and fades quickly.

But my dad doesn't know my husband like I do. He took offense on my behalf. I appreciated it. I love my dad. However sometimes it's best to leave things between and husband and wife alone. So next my husband took offense to my dad's sarcasm then it was pretty much a mess for several long years. Husband wouldn't talk with my pop for a long time. They were both mad. Now they've made up. Our son's verbal persuasion was the motivating force and his persuasiveness softened my husband's heart. I was very proud of our son. Words matter. Knowing how to use words is a useful skill. Being a pest doesn't hurt either! He mightily wanted his dad to make-up with his grandad.

How did I get down that bunny trail?

There were four new people at the aerobic kickboxing class tonight. I do it to help my Zumba strength and at Wednesday's class I mentioned the aerobic class to everyone and told them how it helped me. I told a couple (who are my age) that when she uses the step, I don't use it because my knees and feet don't like it. Well, I guess it inspired them to come. They wanted to work out, but don't like the step. Many people, they don't want to look different from the rest of the class. I don't care though. I was the only once doing 'step tap' while everyone else did jumping jacks. Now there are several peeps doing step tap like me! Wheee!

My husband sat in the truck as I groomed Bella and Nike. It was dark outside. We got there so late. I told him when we got home that I'm probably the only person who grooms horses in the dark. What he said struck me as very tender because he looked at me and said, "Those horses mean a lot to you." I hadn't thought of it. I do love them, but I didn't know if horses in our life could be real or an "almost, but not" kind of thing. Now that we're going to be in the house and the corral is right out front, it's all real. I could never have imagined it. Not in my wildest dreams.

Aaaah. Life is so sweet. It's 2010 and I already know it will be too short.

Toothbrush, joy, and On Golden Pond

Today my husband bought us a four pack of toothbrushes and I got a purple one. A purple toothbrush. What a good day! I could end my post right here.

Yet I was happy through much of the day and not just on account of the excellent toothbrush. It wasn't excitement. It wasn't "Oh boy, oh boy!" kind of happiness. It was joy? Yes. The day was filled with joy. Anticipating seeing my sister gave me joy. Seeing my sister gave me joy. Being in San Diego in a nice campground, yet in the midst of major urban mania gave me joy (I bought lip gloss and a new cotton plaid skirt today). And dancing. I went to a Stretch and Strengthen class tonight and it was very good. The instructor has a master's in dance from New York. The hip-hop teacher has performed with Culture Shock Dance Center and I haven't been there but I know they have a massive reputation. The hip-hop class kicked my you-know-what. In a good way! Such a good work-out. I was sweating a lot. The teacher gave about six counts of eight and ol' Lil can remember two counts of eight, tops, in one day. I watched and followed a dancer in front of me who was very talented and fast. Unfortunately, in the first count of eight there was a step that goes real, real fast. Say 1,2,3,4, out loud, fast as you can and that's how fast those four steps were, and it was a strain for me to keep up. I've never been able to dance lightning fast. So I had to catch up quick. I faked it on a few steps. But I know I looked good in wide second where we all flipped our heads up and down twice. That, I can rock. We broke up into two groups and danced for each other a few times and then he turned down the lights and told us to get our attitudes and dance. Now that was fun. I sat down and the girl beside me gave me a two-handed high five. She was sure sweet. I was the worst dancer there. But you know, dance being such as it is, if you're too full of yourself to look imperfect then you'll never learn it. I picked up some great combinations that I can use. When and where I can use 'em, not sure. But anyway. . .

I have joy. And I have freedom. Husband bought me a Garmin, one of those GPS thingies. Man, I can go anywhere now. The Garmin got me to dance classes all by myself. Usually I am so afraid to drive so I only go where my husband will take me. I love him so. He's taken me a lot of places, but now I can go places by myself. And I haven't dented the truck either. Hahahaha!

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I can't stand Jane Fonda, but I do like her in Barbarella (she was so pretty).  And I watched On Golden Pond in 1981. I admit it.

In the movie, Jane does a backwards dive for her dad. She was never able to do it as a kid. I guess it was a big deal to her. She and her dad always had a troubled relationship. Story line was that he was mean toward her and he didn't like her. I dunno, it was a long time ago I saw the movie.

So my On Golden Pond is this: My dad phoned me yesterday and invited me up to help him get the '53 Buick he restored ready for a car show. I polished the chrome. Love to polish chrome. And I cleaned the windows - I'm not so fond of windows, but I did 'em. I picked up the hood for him because it was too heavy for him. When I was ready to go home he thanked me, man, about five times. I was kind of embarrassed he said so many thanks because I didn't do all that much.

One time my dad and I were at a show where he was showing his Corvette that he restored. There was some guy we were talking to. You always chat with car guys at a car show when you're with my dad. The other guy was all proud and bragging on his daughter around my age who had helped him clean his engine. That's why it was so shiny he said. She had small hands and was good at it. Liked to help him, he said. I felt a stab of jealously. I wished it were my dad talking about me instead. I would have liked to help my dad and have him talk about me like that. I worried about making my dad yell at me though. And if you yell at ol' Lil, well, she plum shuts down. God made me this way. I don't deal with the yelling well.

So I told my dad how working on the car with him reminded me of On Golden Pond. How I'd always had a secret desire to help him and I lived it out yesterday. And his response was not one I expected. He said he's tried to work on that. (I wondered what he meant.) He said he yelled too much and has tried to change. It was a moment. A snapshot in time. Of life. Of realization. Of concession. Not to sound all Valley Girl, but, wow, cool. Actually, I don't remember a lot of yelling, but when he raised his voice I couldn't deal with it. I don't remember him yelling a lot. It was more like, he was sharp. All he needed to do was raise his voice and I crumbled.

He did yell at me as I pulled out of the driveway to go home. Bwa-hahahaha! No kidding, he did. I still love him though. Life is a kick, eh.

Joy. Joy of the Lord. Once I read, "Show me how God has transformed your life, and maybe I'll believe in your God." It's getting me through better than ever before. "Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength."

New herbs + water under the bridge

Good heavens. It's been a week since I wrote? Ah well. I have a good excuse. The past rears up its ugly head every decade or so and tries to run me over. Thanks to my father who has run interference for me for almost 25 years now, the past has been put back to bed. It took a small toll on me. But I have returned! Hooray! ...100% Liliana, no broken parts.

Good hair news. Yesterday we stopped in Las Cruces and I got to go to a fairly good health food store. I want to make my own herbal rinse, so I bought some dried herbs. You boil one pint water, let herbs steep for 30 minutes, strain, add 1/4 cup vinegar, apply to hair as a final rinse, as in don't rinse the rinse out. I think I'll add a little less vinegar though. I bought a couple ounces each:

Comfrey leaf - High protein conditioner for dry hair
Hibiscus
Chamomile - promotes healthy growth, common rinse for blondes
Rosehips
Burdock root - reduces shedding, good for skin ailments like eczema
Calendula
Lemon grass
Spearmint

I wanted sandalwood which is useful as a conditioner but they had none. I wanted to try yarrow which Elvea highly recommends, but they had none. It's got perfect yin/yang, and who doesn't want perfect yin/yang? They carried no Indian herbs so no shikakai, reetha, or neem. I want to try those sometime. I wanted soapwort or yucca for shampoo, but they had none. I was momentarily tempted to buy flaxseed or primrose oil in capsule form. My husband asked why would I even consider it when I've always had some of the healthiest hair he ever saw. Well, he's a husband and what does he know, but in this case, I figure he's pretty much right. We're not pill people. If I didn't eat right, then I'd take diet supplements. He's always been a stickler for meals together and a proper, balanced diet. He's good for me.

Long ago, when I was a girl of 18, I married very badly. In November of 1978 I sought assistance for domestic abuse. My new baby boy was six months old. He's 27 now and I'm so proud of him because is good and strong. He would never lay a hand on a woman. He doesn't use drugs or drink, though addictive personalities are present on both sides of his family. He works, and I daresay is well off for a young man of his age. He owns a home and rents an apartment. He has Jesus in his heart. In short, and it's no accident, he is all the things his natural father is not. He wanted to look up his natural father, not realizing what kind of person he is, because I never told him.

My father did what he is so good at; smoothing things out without ruffling anyone's feathers (too badly). My step-mom did some great research and they sent my son a copy of my ex-husband's county criminal, civil, domestic, and mental public records. These are easily accessible online nowadays. My own name was at the bottom of the domestic abuse records. My son decided not to look up his natural father and for that, I am thankful. As my father says, it's all water under the bridge now. And there, I want it to stay. This was my hard time last week. On a long walk, I laid it all on the Lord, and it has worked out. Family is good to have when you need them.

I like writing about my hair better. :)